Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
