I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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