Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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