You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
