And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
