He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
