I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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