I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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