dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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