Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
