Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
