pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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