I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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