Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
