So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
