just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
