she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
