Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
