Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
