Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
