Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
