what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
