atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
