why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
