just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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