she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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