Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
