Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
