this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
