So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
