I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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