Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
