well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
