your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
