Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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