So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
