I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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