last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
