Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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