My room smells like vodka and shame
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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