umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
