This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
