It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
