Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
