You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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