cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
