Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
