I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
