Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
