This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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