I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
