i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You made out with two different species that night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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