My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
