I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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