Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
