OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
