Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
