i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
