Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
