just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
