I wannas sexs uuuuu
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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