I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
