Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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