shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
