I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
