summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
