i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
