yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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