I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
this is an emotional support booty call
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
