she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Screwed.edu
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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