How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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