just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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