Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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